I had a weird and horrible experience a couple hours ago. I've been on the couch for a while watching Julie & Julia, a great movie. It was so inspiring I had to get up and do something. What else would I do on Saturday at 3pm but my favorite household chore - weed pulling! It's instant gratification, exercise, vitamin D mixed into one hour. Plus there's that other thing - curb appeal!
I put on my New Balance kicks, shorts that should be worn when I'm 5 lbs lighter and my new Track Shack retro tech tank top. I grab my leather gloves, stained with last times mud, from the stair rail on the back porch. They are stiff as usual. I don't know why gloves are always so stiff but I that's always my experience.
I jam my right hand in the glove. Stiff. My index finger won't extend, it stops short. I try to work the end of my finger in the glove, but no give. I'm pushing and thinking that feels like a GRAPE! Chris, what did you do? Not funny. GROSS. I notice now that the tip of my finger is squishing into the GRAPE! Chris! That's not cool. He denies it, as usual.
It's probably a bug, he says. EEEWWW. It totally could be. I pull the glove off and peap in. I see... a TAIL?? What a Tail? GROSS! No way! It is...  A LIZARD!!!! Double EEEWWWW.
I broke his neck. I killed the lizard by poking it to death. Horrible.

I'm going to shower now.